I live an isolated life.

Not as isolated as you think though.
It is not the common, never talk to anyone kind of deal.
I tell almost everything to all of my best friends.
Some things I only tell to certain ones, but the word gets out to others.
I live isolated as in I don't tell why I feel the way I feel.
I pretty much cannot explain it.
I am very OCD, where things need to be perfect.
So, i guess you can say I am a perfectionist too.
However, I, in no means, think I am a perfect human being.
I have flaws, and things I dilike about myself, mostly things I say.
But I always wish for the perfect life.
I want to find someone who is gorgeous, and there is nothing bad to say.
I dislike when people say one little thing about the person I like.
It gives me a bad image of my crush, and then I stop liking them.
I hate flaws, but I know it's part of life.
I have never been able to get too close to someone, not in fear of me getting hurt, but because I am afraid of what people will say.
I don't want to give myself up to someone who I can see their flaws from the start.
I really cannot explain why.
I look at my friends and am partially jealous at how they can get so close to someone in that short amount of time, and be done with them in a week.
I wish I had that many people chasing after me.
She can go and talk to 6 other guys, but you still think she is only after you?
That might be another reason why I don't go after guys.
They could just me major players.
Many of the guys I like, already have girlfriends.
But, if they don't, then they don't see me that way.
Maybe its because I don't flirt out directly?
I am a cheerleader, obviously.
But I am not a slut.
I love dancing to booty music and acting like a slut with my friends.
I want to get noticed, but not as a slut.
I live behind a wall, that I show myself that way sometimes, and other times not.
So I don't know why I dance that way.
But, I just want them to come talk to me, but thinking about it, it probably scares them off.
I am friends with the guys I like, but I don't think they see me like that.
One of them was younger, and one of my best friends little brothers.
He had a crush on my since we were little, and now, I have a crush on him.
He is a definite flirt, and he always walks with his arms around me, and picks me up and stuff.
But he doesn't know how much I want it to be real.
When people bring anything up like that, I am like oh yeah, uhuhh.
He is my friends little brother, and if she knew anything, she would think I was crazy.
I know he likes someone else, because mentioned her once to his sister while I was there.
But still, I know there could be connection, if we keep this up.
I just hope one day soon, I can be with someone.
I need to find someone, before it's too late.
I love to read, but most books turn out happy in the end and they get their guy.
I would like to read a book that is almost identical to my life, to show myself I am not the only one out here like this.