Controversy.

What is a world without controversy.
It is a place of peace, love, and happiness.
Something a person always asks for during the holiday and new year.
But you know what, God does not make controversy, people do.
Controversy is pointing out a flaw or opposite opinion with a purpose to be right, sound better, or not wanting to be out done.
Controversy is usually created over things that are small in comparison to life.
So, this year, instead of asking God for peace on earth and between your peers, how about you make it, by not starting any controversy that is not necessary.

Bitches Please

You are a bitch.
You say I didn't know the whole story, but you don't really know the whole story.
You make fun of people all the time, but god for bid someone says a bad truth about you, it's the end of their life, and their friends.
You go and create drama on facebook about something that's not even a big deal.
You can't handle the truth.
You make up rumors and talk about how people should just do this and that.
You know what, I am the bigger person and just let it go.
You can post anything you want on fierceboard, but when I said don't quit because you lost your spot, you flip out.
I could have done the same thing last year when I lost my spot in the middle prep, because I loved flying there and doing it.
But you know what, I sucked it up and backspotted because I knew it would help my team.
Just suck it up and realize I wasn't saying anything bad directly to that person, just in general.
And you know what, for the things you and your friends posted on facebook, it just shows how self centered you are to exaggerate about how "perfect" i think I am, but I in no way think I am perfect. It shows you think you are perfect.
But your not perfect.
You are a bitch.

A Real Happy New Year

Today is a new year.
New beginnings.
New Promises.
and hopefully, a new me.
This morning I woke up to a text from you.
It was wonderful because we never text.
My heart was happy.
It was the best way to start off my new year.
You did not last two weeks because I came over your house.
Your sister was hurt, and I brought her a surprise.
Your cousins were there and you talked to me.
You even joked that I was your "girlfriend".
When your aunt said poor child, I said noo, hes only kidding.
But deep down inside, I was hoping to be introduced to them as your actual girlfriend.
Your sister doesn't know how I actually feel about you.
She says that you question and think I like you, but i deny it and say you know I like so and so.
I do like so and so, but I love you.
I texted you all day today, and I hope we can do this again.
I can't wait to see your face again, and give you a hug.
I live for them.
I live for you.

remember when?

Remember those days in junior high and we looked at our old elementary best friends and said we would never change that much? way to keep your promise.
remember how we used to wonder how someone can change so quickly and leave it all behind? i can see it now.
remember you said you would always be a good kid? that lasted long.

i wish it wasnt all just a memory.

it was goodnight, not goodbye.

Is it really ending, or are we waiting 2 weeks?
you said you will be mad for 2 weeks, but i am afraid that when it is over, things wont be the same.
i know what i did might have hurt you, but it was an accident.
it was a stupid mistake that i dont even know why i did it.
i was thinking about you, but his name flows better.
you dont know what i was hoping would happen in a few seconds, hopefully you were thinking the same thing.
but then i let it slip and you got upset.
i was hoping you let it fly, but then you didnt.
the next practice, i saw you, but you said you were mad.
and i didnt give him a hug to show you that i actually care about you.
then he got mad at me because he had to ask for one.
both of my friends are now mad, and i dont know what to do with myself.
he forgave me, but you are still holding it above me.
you are the one i wanted to talk to, have hold me, blah.
but then i had to be careless and let those words slip.
it was innocent goodbye to him, please dont let it be to us.

if only stereotypes were real.

Everyone always tells me how gorgeous I am.
how skinny I am.
how perfect I am.
i think i am pretty.
small.
average.
and they always ask why I don't have a boyfriend.
i say i don't have time and i don't mind being single.
but they dont know im actually dieing inside to have one.
i have people who talk to me, but they are never the people i want.
i don't want to lead them on, so i just stop talking to them.
what do it do?
just go for them, or wait for the people i will never get.
a freshman football player told me how hot i was.
and that him and the rest of the freshman football team wanted to do me.
i said i wont do that and he asked why.
i just said because.
they are two years younger than me.
people always comment on how the girls should be younger, not the guys.
but i do not feel it matters.
as long as you are both happy.
there are a few on the freshman team, who are my best friends.
i would not mind something with them, but i really cant.
there are boys in my grade that i like.
i heard one of them likes me too, but he never talks to me.
if he were to show some interest, then maybe something can happen.
but i dont want to be wrong and embarrass myself.
i just want someone who i can be happy with and not worry about what people are saying.
i know it is high school and that will happen, but i dont like others opinions.
cant he just see that i like him and we would be happy.
i hope he realizes it before i go through my entire high school career like this.
it is sad, and i want to be happy.
i am cheerleader, and i am no where near the stereotype slut.
but i kind of wish i was, because then i would get some attention.
please wake up and show me if you actually care, so we can stop wasting each others time.

143. <3

I live an isolated life.

Not as isolated as you think though.
It is not the common, never talk to anyone kind of deal.
I tell almost everything to all of my best friends.
Some things I only tell to certain ones, but the word gets out to others.
I live isolated as in I don't tell why I feel the way I feel.
I pretty much cannot explain it.
I am very OCD, where things need to be perfect.
So, i guess you can say I am a perfectionist too.
However, I, in no means, think I am a perfect human being.
I have flaws, and things I dilike about myself, mostly things I say.
But I always wish for the perfect life.
I want to find someone who is gorgeous, and there is nothing bad to say.
I dislike when people say one little thing about the person I like.
It gives me a bad image of my crush, and then I stop liking them.
I hate flaws, but I know it's part of life.
I have never been able to get too close to someone, not in fear of me getting hurt, but because I am afraid of what people will say.
I don't want to give myself up to someone who I can see their flaws from the start.
I really cannot explain why.
I look at my friends and am partially jealous at how they can get so close to someone in that short amount of time, and be done with them in a week.
I wish I had that many people chasing after me.
She can go and talk to 6 other guys, but you still think she is only after you?
That might be another reason why I don't go after guys.
They could just me major players.
Many of the guys I like, already have girlfriends.
But, if they don't, then they don't see me that way.
Maybe its because I don't flirt out directly?
I am a cheerleader, obviously.
But I am not a slut.
I love dancing to booty music and acting like a slut with my friends.
I want to get noticed, but not as a slut.
I live behind a wall, that I show myself that way sometimes, and other times not.
So I don't know why I dance that way.
But, I just want them to come talk to me, but thinking about it, it probably scares them off.
I am friends with the guys I like, but I don't think they see me like that.
One of them was younger, and one of my best friends little brothers.
He had a crush on my since we were little, and now, I have a crush on him.
He is a definite flirt, and he always walks with his arms around me, and picks me up and stuff.
But he doesn't know how much I want it to be real.
When people bring anything up like that, I am like oh yeah, uhuhh.
He is my friends little brother, and if she knew anything, she would think I was crazy.
I know he likes someone else, because mentioned her once to his sister while I was there.
But still, I know there could be connection, if we keep this up.
I just hope one day soon, I can be with someone.
I need to find someone, before it's too late.
I love to read, but most books turn out happy in the end and they get their guy.
I would like to read a book that is almost identical to my life, to show myself I am not the only one out here like this.